Self Trust And A Pair of Shorts

#3 in a 5 part series "Now that I'm Almost 60"

I thought I was getting a little ahead of things when I placed an order at J Crew Factory back in May to fill some holes in my wardrobe. I decided to try Bermuda shorts even though I haven’t worn the style in quite some time. I figured I could always hem them if I didn’t like them so long.

When they arrived I was happy with the quality at such a great price. However…

The fit wasn't quite right, and I knew it the moment I tried them on.

I kept them anyway.

Well, that wasn’t the move because every time I wore them, I just wasn’t happy with what I saw in the mirror. The banter in my head began as I tried to figure out why I was so bothered.

Initial Thoughts

There’s not very many times I can recall lately when I can say, "I like this on me".  What's going on, why don’t I like what I wear anymore? A few thoughts came to mind.

Maybe it's because I’m not too happy with the reflection I see in the mirror? I’ve had some health issues the last few years, and it hasn’t been without visible effect. I’m also getting older... you know, the big birthday is swiftly approaching!

Or, maybe it’s that I just don’t know how to choose what’s truly flattering on me. I could always work on that.

I could also make some alterations myself. That's definitely in my skill level. I can sit down and fix this.

Looking Beneath the Surface

What surprised me wasn't so much the shorts. It was the conversation they started.

Underneath all the questions was the nagging thought:

“Why didn’t I listen to myself?”

I knew the fit wasn’t quite right, yet I just blew by my own observation. That was really the sticking point. I just had to get to the bottom of it.

Why Would I Do That?

I have really wrestled with people pleasing over the years, so that was a prime suspect in my mind. Ignoring my own perceptions is not new, but this was a little different.

Around that time I listened to a podcast about behavior change. One idea stayed with me: we all develop adaptations—ways of responding to life that serve us well in one season but can sometimes outlast the circumstances that created them.

As I continued to mull it over, the shorts made more sense.

I could see how my adaptations were playing out. This is what they could sound like in my head :

• “This will do”

• “It’s fine”

• “It’s not worth the trouble”

• “I’ll make it work”

There’s nothing wrong with any of these. In fact, they've helped me through much of my life. They've helped me run our home, raise three children, navigate the ups and downs of relationships, and keep moving when things weren’t going exactly as I had hoped.

I can see now that I’m too quick with these responses when they’re no longer the best (or only) option.

What Style Has Been Teaching Me

In the scheme of things, keeping a pair of shorts that are less than perfect is a small problem (and yes, I will attempt to fix them). However, they reminded me that my own observations deserve consideration before I dismiss them.

When I looked in the mirror, what bothered me wasn't only that the shorts weren't quite right. What really bothered me was the message I thought they were sending.

"You don't care".

That's just not true.

Using our thoughts and feelings is fundamental to pursuing a style of our own (or even, just feeling good in what we wear).

If you aren't paying attention to your own feelings and thinking, then whose are you paying attention to?

My blog has always been about clothing, but it never has only been about that. Through the practice of getting dressed I'm learning:

• to be curious

• to pay attention

• to notice

Now I’m realizing there’s something else I can add:

Trust what I notice.

Self-Trust

Trusting that our perceptions are valid information doesn't mean we’re always going to be right. The saying "Don't always believe what you think" is always good to keep in mind. However, It doesn't mean that what we experience does not deserve any attention before it’s dismissed.

It's pretty clear now that the shorts were never the real issue.

The real issue was that I knew they weren't quite right, and I didn't believe that knowing that was enough.

Coming Full Circle

Now that I'm almost 60, I wonder if one of the quieter lessons of getting older is learning to give a little more weight to what we notice—not because we're always right, but because our experience deserves consideration before it gets dismissed.

I love that there's always something to learn through the ordinary act of getting dressed if we would only pay attention.