Living Well: Paying Attention To What Matters

Now That I'm Almost 60: Part 2

So what does it mean to live well? We left off last month considering that question in light of a milestone birthday I’ll be celebrating in September.

There are so many ways to answer that question, but lately I’ve been thinking about it from one particular angle: living according to what you value.

Ironically, I haven’t had much time to think about this at all.

This month has been busy in the way life often is — lots of responsibilities, logistics, interruptions, and things that needed tending to right away. Somewhere in the middle of responding to all these urgent things, I realized how easy it is to lose sight of what's important when so much of life is spent answering what's urgent.

It's not because we don't care about them. In fact, sometimes the opposite is true. They matter deeply, but life keeps moving, and the urgent has a way of crowding out the important.

Recently, I heard James Clear mention something in an interview with Mel Robbins that has stayed with me. He asked listeners to imagine an alien observing their life for a day. The alien can’t understand language — only behavior. Based solely on what they see you do, what would they conclude you value?

I’ve been sitting with that question for a while now, and honestly, it revealed a disconnect for me.

There’s often a gap between what we say matters to us and what actually receives our time, energy, attention, and care.

To be fair, I don’t think this is always hypocrisy. Sometimes it’s simply survival because life becomes so full of the tyranny of the urgent. We live in response mode for so long that intentionality quietly slips into the background.

I think this can show up in our wardrobes too.

Sometimes dissatisfaction with our style isn’t really about clothing at all. It may be the feeling that something important to us keeps getting pushed to the bottom of the list.

We tell ourselves it shouldn’t matter that much, yet we continue to feel the disconnect.

Maybe that tension exists because style holds more value for us emotionally or mentally than we’ve allowed ourselves to admit. Not in a superficial way, but as a form of self-respect, creativity, expression, or simply feeling more like ourselves in the middle of our ordinary life.

Too often, when life gets busy, intentionality is one of the first things we lose.

I’m not going to do a deep dive into values theory or psychology here, but I did come across a simple definition from Mark Manson on the Solved podcast that I liked. He describes values as the principles, beliefs, and ideals that guide behavior, decisions, and overall direction in life.

That’s simple enough, but when was the last time most of us actually sat down and thought about ours? Honestly, I can’t remember the last time I did.

Maybe that’s why this feels important to me right now. As I’m getting ready for a big birthday, I find myself wanting to live more deliberately — with a little more awareness of whether my days actually reflect what matters most to me.

Brené Brown has a thoughtful values exercise on her website where she encourages people to identify the values that are most important to them. She suggests narrowing them down to two core values, though you can start with a larger list and work from there.

I haven’t yet finished the exercise myself.

Perhaps that’s part of this season too: not arriving at fully formed answers, but making space to start asking better questions.

What do I value?

What is receiving my attention?

Are those two things aligned?

These questions feel worth asking now, not because I'm looking for a dramatic reinvention before a milestone birthday, but because lives are shaped gradually. James Clear often writes about the power of small improvements compounded over time. The same is true in the other direction. When the things we value receive a little less attention day after day and year after year, the effects compound too.

The goal isn't just about identifying our values. It's also about noticing where our days have drifted away from them and making small adjustments before too much time passes.

Although I haven't finished the values exercise yet, I have started paying attention to the gap between what I say matters and what my days reveal.

That feels like a worthwhile place to begin.