Atomic Habits and Personal Style, Part 2: How Identity Shapes The Way You Dress

Recently, during a weekly chat with my best friend, the conversation turned to our wardrobes. We dive into lots of deep areas, like good friends do, but when we want to ease up, we’ll turn to one of our favorite topics: clothes and style. While we were discussing our shopping lists, she said something that got me thinking: how do you know what to wear if you’re not really sure about who you are?

Those of us who love style know how personal it is, and the effort that goes into making getting dressed more than just putting on beautiful clothes. When we feel out of touch with ourselves, the whole process of creating personal style becomes muddled. With so many things vying for our time and attention, it’s no wonder that we can lose sight of who we are. But the joy of dressing authentically can only come with intentionally cultivating some sense of self-awareness. Without it, it’s hard to know whether our choices are truly our own or simply borrowed from somewhere else.

With that in mind, we’re heading into part two of our dive into Atomic Habits, by James Clear. I had picked up his book earlier this year, hoping it would help to bring more intentionality to my style, and maybe offer guidance for people like me who tend to approach it without much of a plan. It’s my hope that this little detour into Clear’s book will help us consider a new strategy.

A Quick Recap

Looking through the lens of Atomic Habits, we can think of our style as a whole system of habits:

Acquiring – bringing in new pieces

Editing – letting go of what no longer works

Upkeeping – caring for and organizing what you have

Experimenting: playing with new looks and ideas

Personal style comes to life through the unique way each of us engages with this system. For a long time, I only thought about style as the outcome of that system—what we wear. But as James Clear emphasizes, we tend to overvalue outcomes and undervalue process (great podcast on that here) . This is my issue in spades! Twice a year, when the seasons change, I go into a little frenzy in my closet—trying to overhaul everything at once. It feels like I’m accomplishing something, but I’m just in panic mode. Atomic Habits offers a slow-and-steady approach: tiny 1% improvements that build on each other. In the end, it’s not about doing a ton of work all at once, but showing up consistently. That’s what keeps fueling the system that keeps producing results.

Factoring in process is a new way for me to think about style, and it clarifies why winging it will never work. I'm without excuse to continue to operate like that. So, after being confronted in the last post with the need to do things differently, today we’ll explore how Clear makes a strong case for the need to also think differently.

The Two Way Street

The way we think and feel about ourselves has a powerful influence on what we do. This is a pillar in the field of Psychology, and many therapy models are built on the idea that thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are interconnected: that changing one can influence the others. Clear emphasizes how our thinking and behavior are a two way street: a change in thinking will produce a change in behavior so that the two are aligned with one another. This is just how our brains are wired; we will feel the dissonance if there is a mismatch between our thinking and our actions. We’ll either change our thinking to align with what we do, or we’ll change what we do to line up with our thinking. I remember a family conversation a long time ago about the lack of nutrional value in sugar. It was a bit of a revelation to my mother in law. She thought for a moment, smiled, and decided to disregard this new information. There must be some benefit to having it as a part of her regular diet. Her thinking and behavior remained aligned. That's an example of this idea in action (and no judgement here, I have a sweet tooth myself!)

Identity-Based Habits: Dressing From the Inside Out

Clear says the deepest degree of change that we can experience is on the level of our identity: the thoughts we have about who we are. He believes that habits are the most practical way to shape identity, with each one acting as a vote for the kind of person we want to become.

Clear doesn’t give a full list of what shapes identity, but I can see influences coming from many areas: family, friends, faith, culture, career, even the different roles we play through the course of our lives. We can’t control all of them, but Clear points out that habits are where we do have some control. They’re the small, repeatable choices that gradually reinforce, and even reshape who we believe ourselves to be.

A way to bring about lasting change is found in building what Clear calls identity-based habits. These kind of habits are what we do that gives evidence of who we are. I think of it as identity in action. An example could be someone who faithfully works out during their lunch break because they think of themselves as health conscious.

Right now, we all have our own identity based habits. We’re not always conscious of the way we think, but what’s going on in our heads is on display in some way in what we’re doing. This is also true for what we wear.

One popular makeover show I used to watch was What Not to Wear. Early in the show segment, guests would try on some of their own outfits, and step into a mirrored room to face tough questions about why they dressed the way they did. Most participants had to reckon with how their thinking shaped their clothing choices. It was a watershed moment. There was inner work to be done before any kind of makeover could begin. As host Stacey London once explained: "…eventually, we got some truth as to whether or not that person was self-aware…it was clearly a way forward that proved to be very powerful. The more you ask somebody why they dress the way they dress, the more whatever they're hiding either from other people or themselves becomes apparent."

What the show revealed was the link between thoughts, feelings, and personal style. Once women could see the beliefs underlying their choices, they were able to embrace new ways of thinking, and that paved the way for powerful change on the outside.

Earlier, my friend and I were pondering “how do you know what to wear if you're not really sure about who you are?” Instead, Clear would want us to frame that question differently:

“Who is that you would like to become?”

or

“What kind of person would achieve the things you want to achieve?”

It’s from there that a system of habits could be built through those small, 1% improvements.

Just as those new habits solidify a new identity, the new identity keeps fueling the habits. That’s the two way street. As Clear said in this interview with Brene Brown, this is not a fake it till you make it approach - believing something that you don’t yet have the evidence for. This is constructing a new identity by letting the habits lead the way.  The inseparable relationship with identity and habits means we can hack into the way we see ourselves simply by making small, doable lifestyle changes.

That’s pretty cool!

Answering these questions for myself, I’d like to maintain the habits that are a part of a system for style. At the heart of it, I think that kind of person is someone who values personal style. It's ironic because wouldn’t a person who thinks about personal style, writes about it, and actually really wants it already think that it is valuable? The answer is rather complicated, and like those people who've had to face the 360 mirror in What Not to Wear, I've had to confront my own thinking during the time I've spent working on this post. For a long time, and for a lot of reasons, I've fought against the thinking that the pursuit of personal style is worthwhile; let alone allow myself to devote consistent time and energy to it. I've seen how it can be something incredibly positive, but at the same time, I still wrestle with a lot of fear about it. It's like two magnets that won't click together: they are repelling forces. That’s why the small steps that are a part of Atomic Habits are so appealing to me. It’s not a huge ask. With a lot of consistent intentionality, I think that change is actually possible.

Building a Personal Style System With 1 % Improvements

Seeing that has helped me to start those first steps. That’s meant grabbing a notebook and starting a “style” journal (honestly, I hate calling it that, but what are my options?! ) It started out as an outfit journal, but now includes a place where I can reflect on what inspires me.  It’s starting to move toward being a planner as well, because I’m trying to map out the steps that lie beyond my planner/journal. I’m thinking about those small, 1% building blocks of a good system.

So, the weather is showing signs of changing and I'm fighting the impulse to do the fall weather wardrobe overhaul (and then hide from my closet until spring). What should someone who values style do to get ready? Stayed tuned. It won't be done in a frenzy, but I'm hoping it will be consistent. This dive into Atomic Habits has helped to give me some much needed direction, and I highly recommend picking up a copy of the book, or even checking out Clear's website if you'd like to learn more.

I hope to see you here again soon. Until then, what’s one small style habit you could start this week that reflects who you want to become? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.